This is so helpful! I work with all women, so it doesn't come up as much. But I have one question--what if your boss who is a woman and is an incredible person/boss/executive director, uses language you find sexist? She always refers to women as "girls"--like "the girl who works at so and so." I know that doesn't bother everyone, and it used to not bother me, but in the past few years it started really getting to me. My current tack is to just ignore it because she is so great otherwise, and I don't want to be a Karen. Not sure how to deal with it. What is your advice Kara?
When you're dealing with a boss you genuinely respect who has this one linguistic habit that grates on you, it's tricky. But, I don't think you're being a Karen by feeling bothered or even raising it.
Language matters, and "girls" for grown women can unintentionally infantilize us, even when coming from another woman.
My approach would be gentle redirection rather than confrontation. For example:
1. Modelling the language you prefer: "Yes, I spoke with the woman at the front desk about that."
2. If you have a close relationship, consider something like: "Funny. I caught myself calling the accounting team 'the girls' yesterday and then thought, 'wait, we'd never call the men 'the boys'!"
Could you imagine either of those working? If she's as great as you've described, my guess is she'll be open to a strategic redirect.
This is so helpful! I work with all women, so it doesn't come up as much. But I have one question--what if your boss who is a woman and is an incredible person/boss/executive director, uses language you find sexist? She always refers to women as "girls"--like "the girl who works at so and so." I know that doesn't bother everyone, and it used to not bother me, but in the past few years it started really getting to me. My current tack is to just ignore it because she is so great otherwise, and I don't want to be a Karen. Not sure how to deal with it. What is your advice Kara?
When you're dealing with a boss you genuinely respect who has this one linguistic habit that grates on you, it's tricky. But, I don't think you're being a Karen by feeling bothered or even raising it.
Language matters, and "girls" for grown women can unintentionally infantilize us, even when coming from another woman.
My approach would be gentle redirection rather than confrontation. For example:
1. Modelling the language you prefer: "Yes, I spoke with the woman at the front desk about that."
2. If you have a close relationship, consider something like: "Funny. I caught myself calling the accounting team 'the girls' yesterday and then thought, 'wait, we'd never call the men 'the boys'!"
Could you imagine either of those working? If she's as great as you've described, my guess is she'll be open to a strategic redirect.